confession

I feel guilty that I feel this way but I am getting more and more overwhelmed with the reality of this baby coming. For the past month I have felt like I am a pretty inadequate mother. I wish I had better self control about things and that I had mastered habits like reading my scriptures daily, serving others unselfishly, routine temple worship, the list goes on and on. Once in a while I feel like there are so many good things to do I just can't do them all.

The other silly thing on my mind so much lately is this gigantic debt that a house comes with. We have prepared financially and we will be fine with the mortgage when the baby comes but gosh I can't explain how much I HATE the feeling of being in debt. Especially when that debt happens to be 6 digits! I guess I'll get used to it, It's been ok for the last 6 months because we've made double payments since I'm working full time but now we'll go to normal payments and the thought of being in debt for 20 more years is just depressing. I love our house and I'm glad we bought it I just hate the huge amount of interest accruing.

Anyway sorry for the depressing post but I have been trying to sort out these feelings and get mentally situated. Yesterday I was reading the new conference Ensign- President Beck's message from the Relief Society meeting. She validated what I am feeling when she said, "Most women have many responsibilities and never have sufficient time to do everything their hearts and minds want to do." So then she quotes President Uchtdorf, "A wise man once distinguished between the noble art of getting things done and the nobler art of leaving things undone. True wisdom in life, he taught, consists of the elimination of non-essentials." So I am going to eliminate some non essentials. For me these are surfing the net too much (blogs, facebook, checking e-mail every hour ect), being preoccupied with finances (checking banks daily and thinking about it so much), spending too much time reading books (when I get hooked on a book it's hard to stop). If I spend less time doing these things I bet I'll have more time to read my scriptures and conference talks and go to the temple.

In the mean time I'll get used to the fact that most 20-40 year olds that own homes have mortgage debt. I just feel so guilty when people say things about avoiding debt and try to pay off your debt as fast as you can. Are they really talking about mortgage or other debts like cars and credit cards?